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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437492">Bittersweet Mistletoe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967'>MakennaSweets1967</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mistletoe, Misunderstandings, Multi, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oh Shit We Forgot Adam Milligan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:48:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,923</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437492</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas has no where to go for Christmas where better to go than home with his best friend. What could possibly go wrong pretending to be in a relationship with him the entire time too. Nothing except maybe the fact that he wants the relationship to be real.</p><p>But maybe just maybe Dean wants the exact same thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was going to be a nice cute long slow burn fake dating fic for Christmas. But I changed my mind because I stole it from a fake dating slow burn I wanted to do originally for the 4th of July so I made this one short so I could make the other one long and not be as repetitive.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cas lays upside down on the couch in his and his longtime best friend’s dorm room. His legs dangling over the back, blood rushing to his head. Giving him a bit of a euphoric rush. </p><p>Dean makes a snarky remark “Always with the incorrect sitting, Cas” </p><p>To which Cas squints his eyes, scanning over Dean’s body. Adonis level beauty as always. One leg tucked in the couch at a bowed angle and the other is draped precariously over the cloth clad arm, “pot, kettle my bisexual friend” </p><p>“Hey” Dean grumbles with a smirk. Not dropping the controller in his hand, but sliding his eyes over to Cas with a flirtatious glance. He gestures downwards, “not my fault my legs are bowed” </p><p>Instead of responding, Cas watches the game on the tv. Ignoring the blush on his cheeks. </p><p>That little bastard Cas thinks. Surely Dean’s just doing this because he knows how much Cas loves his deliciously bowed limbs. That’s just how Dean is flirtatious, with everyone, Cas isn’t special. </p><p>Still his heart pounds in his ears from... just from laying upside down. He focuses on Dean pressing buttons and kicking the two sticks on his x-box controller. The old car that looks suspiciously like ‘baby’ Dean’s 1967 Chevy Impala. Zips upside-down on the screen, without a scratch, is on it. The sound of tires screeching playing lowly - barely audible - through the tv speakers. </p><p>Cas rolls around coming to a stand after a few more moments of watching. He shuffles into the tiny kitchen area, which just consists of a fridge and a microwave. The cold linoleum floor seeping through the fuzzy bee socks Dean got him for his birthday. </p><p>He grabs two frosted sugar cookies out of the clear plastic container from Walmart.  One red and the other green. Christmasy he shakes his head. </p><p>Walking back to the couch Cas holds up the cookies. Watching how Dean licks his lips, and he swears he sees his pupils dilate the least little bit. Cas places the end of the mouth-watering morsel into Dean's open lips. Keeping the green one for himself. </p><p>Cas picks at the Christmas tree sprinkle on the top of it. Giving it a smile that’s sadder than it should be for a cookie that tastes like pure heaven. Not noticing as Dean puts down his controller. Pausing the game on the screen. </p><p>Dean shifts to his side, a questioning look on his face “what’s up Cas” </p><p>“Hm,” Cas looks away from the sprinkle popping it in his mouth. </p><p>Dean rolls his eyes with an affectionate way about it “why do you look like the grinch stole your Christmas?” </p><p>Cas chuckles, Dean is such a Christmas nerd. He feels a slight discomfort swell in his chest “It’s nothing Dean, just thinking about Christmas, y’know” </p><p>“Oh,” Dean says his eyes read Cas with understanding before he clenches his jaw. Swallowing down the bit of cookie in his mouth “I wish I could kick Chuck’s ass that son of bitch! I still can’t believe he just moved away after you left. What kinda father drops all fricking contact with their so-“ </p><p>“Dean” Cas smiles holding up a hand to Dean’s chest in an attempt to quell his anger. Feeling Dean’s chest heave under his hand. </p><p>Though it still hurts from what his father did. Leaving after Cas moved to college with nothing left behind but a note saying ‘goodbye sons’ given to him by the new owners of the house. Cas has learned to accept it. For the first few years, he searched and grieved, and screamed but that was then. Now he has his future and Dean. He has what Dean taught him that family doesn’t end in blood. </p><p>“Sorry, Cas” Dean mumbles out, his eyes seemingly softening at Castiel’s expense. </p><p>Cas shakes his head “Don’t be sorry. I like it- I’m glad that it gets you so worked up. It makes me feel special, and realize that you care.” </p><p>“Of course I care Cas,” Dean says, before pulling Cas into a hug that is more like a cuddle. However, Cas doesn’t mind, as he buries his face into the crook of his best friend’s neck. </p><p>When they pull away Cas feels a bit lighter, of course, he always feels lighter with Dean. He does miss the warmth though “Thank you, Dean. All the same, it is not about my absent father not being around for Christmas. It’s just that Gabe backed out on Christmas, probably somewhere playing trickster with someone I’m sure. So I have nowhere to be for Christmas.” </p><p>“What” Dean huffs, talking between the last of his frosted cookie in his mouth “why didn’t you tell me you were going to be alone for Christmas” </p><p>Cas shrugs, “It wasn’t of import” </p><p>“Cas” Dean groans, shoving him lightly “that’s it your coming home with me for Christmas” </p><p>He can’t help but for his heart to skip a beat at Dean’s words. Not that he would ever admit but somewhere buried underneath all the years, a secret part has always wished to spend Christmas with Dean. Just not as only friends, “Dean I couldn’t impose” </p><p>“Nah man you wouldn’t be. Mary has missed you, and well John well - he’s John but that’s not the point. Plus they were expecting me to bring Benny before so...” He trails off referring to his ex-boyfriend, a wicked smile growing on his face “and Sam will be there too. I’m pretty sure you’ll get to see his new girlfriend, you still remember some ASL right?” </p><p>“Yeah but Dean” Cas protests more on the tip of his tongue. </p><p>Though he misses Mary too because maybe he sometimes thinks of Mary as a mother figure he never had. All those nights at Dean’s house and days riding bikes. With Mary bandaging up his scrapes as any mother would. Maybe part of it was wishful thinking hoping one day she would be - a mother in law at least. </p><p>“Nope” Dean shushes placing a finger over Cas’s lips “You are coming home with me, end of story” </p><p>Cas nods for lack of anything else. His head swimming with shock. All his brainpower focused on not freaking out about Dean touching his lips. Their eyes drilling into each other's souls... for a moment. </p><p>Dean's eyes flick down, shaking away his finger. </p><p>“O-kay” Cas’s voice breaks, and they look away back to the tv. Not before Cas swears he sees pink beneath Dean’s freckled face. </p><p>~</p><p>"No Cas I'm not listening to those crappy Christmas love songs one more damn time." Dean grumbles shoving his Zepp tape into the radio, "You know the rules, the driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole."</p><p>"That's no fair Dean" Cas pouts crossing his arms over his chest. The frown tugs at Dean's heartstrings but not enough to switch back. </p><p>"No, you know what's no fair" Dean accuses pointing a finger at Cas's chest, "That my ears have been bleeding while you bob your head to the eighth version of silent night this past hour"</p><p>Cas huffs, but really he enjoys all of Dean's music, it's just fun to watch him squirm, "fine"</p><p>Looking out the window his arms still crossed, he reads the oncoming sign along the highway. His anticipation growing with excitement and a bit of sadness as well. Knowing he doesn’t have a home that he is going for Christmas. Not after he left for college with Dean at eighteen. But here he is going to his best friend's house for Christmas. Part of it feels like going home, as much time as he always spent there. </p><p>"Don't pout buddy. Look it's only an hour left on the road, and I need all the boost of energy I can get. I still haven't told my parents that I'm not bringing someone home after Benny dumped my ass." Dean confesses. </p><p>Cas snaps his eyes back over to Dean, "that was almost a month ago Dean. You aren't still hung up on him are you."</p><p>There was such hope there, even though he tried to hide it. His intentions aren't purely selfish; he doesn't want Dean to be heartbroken, but he can admit part of it is selfish. It hurt watching Dean be with Benny when he came over to pick him up or stayed when Cas left. </p><p>Part of him thought about telling Dean when his heart broke watching them kiss, but he would never do that he was too afraid. That was always his downfall though wasn't it that he is too afraid.</p><p>Dean shook his head, tapping his thumb against the steering wheel, glancing at Cas, "I know it was almost a month ago. It's not like that, I never fell in love with Benny and you know we are still friends. It's just mom was so excited to meet my boyfriend, and Dad I wanted to stick it to Dad, that being Bi isn't fake, y'know."</p><p>"You shouldn't have to convince anyone that being Bi isn't fake Dean" Cas asserted his placing a hand over Dean's shoulder. He knew where he was coming from though. He watched it back in middle school before the Winchesters moved, and heard about it throughout highschool. Although it did seem better, once they moved back to Lebonan senior year, at least John was more stuble about his biphobia. </p><p>For once Cas hoped maybe things had changed. </p><p>A smile graced Dean's features, as he turned the car "I know Cas, guess I just wanted it this year."</p><p>"I know" Cas replies solemnly, he wanted it too, but with Dean. Of course, that was never going to happen Dean didn't reciprocate his feelings, "You never told me why you and Benny broke up anyways"</p><p>You. Dean thought, Benny knew that I was in love with you. Although he wouldn't say that aloud "It doesn't matter Cas, it just didn't work out." </p><p>With that Dean turned up the radio, effectively ending the conversation. Speeding the Impala down the road. Cas took it as a touchy subject and luckily for Dean didn't bring it up again the rest of the drive. </p><p>- </p><p>Dean pulls baby up the side of the road in front of his parent's home. The faded green panels covered in dead vines creeping up to the section of the roof splitting the two levels of the house. The concrete walkway, a little more cracked than he remembered leading up the stairs, to the deep chocolate door, with a large wreath sitting squarely in the center. All of Mary's colorful flowers now dead bushes, covered in a thin layer of white. Holding lights and blue and silver bulbs on most of them. Much of the roof, hardly a recognizable color under the built-up snow. On the lawn sits a few reindeer that will surely be lit up like the house lights tonight.   </p><p>Cas looks towards Dean, who is picking at his cuticles, squaring up his shoulders. The tell-tell that he is nervous, masking it as he always does. Cas has seen it enough times to know. There is something in his nervousness Cas just can't handle. </p><p>"What if I pretended to be your boyfriend?" Cas blurts out before he can stop himself, and realize what a monumentally bad idea it is. </p><p>
  <em>Stupid! Stupid! Stupid, he doesn't feel the same it's just going to hurt you. He's going to see right through you and be disgusted. This will end in pain. Stupid!</em>
</p><p>Flashes through Cas's mind as Dean snaps his head towards Cas.  His forest green eyes widening three times their normal size. Eyebrows shooting up towards his tousled hairline, "What" Dean sputters. </p><p>Cas looks down at his hands, hiding the growing blush on the tips of his ears, "It- it could work," Pulling his trenchcoat closer to him, keeping the dwindling warmth inside of his clothing. </p><p>He waits quietly for something other than shocked silence. Whiplash in his mind, at his stupidity. Their friendship is too important, but Dean, Cas just wanted Dean to have this one thing if nothing else. </p><p>Cas looks back up expecting rejection but instead is met with a searching gaze as if Dean is actually considering it. He continues "I mean that way we can 'stick it to your dad' as you said"</p><p>—</p><p>"Okay" Dean nods, his mind still racing at million miles a minute, "How would we do it?"</p><p>He hopes his voice comes out level, unable to hear it over his pounding heart. Dean thought he already had it all, Cas spending Christmas with him. Now - now he is sure he died somewhere back on the road and went to heaven. A bittersweet one but one nonetheless.</p><p>Cas shrugs in a nonchalant manner. </p><p>
  <em>Of course, he is nonchalant. It's not like he actually feels anything about you, this wouldn't affect him. Don't be stupid Dean Winchester.</em>
</p><p>If had been thinking logically he would have agreed but when Cas's gravelly voice cuts into his self-deprecating thoughts, he didn't think.</p><p>"We tell them that we realized our feelings while spending copious hours together in our dorm" Cas suggests robotically, a bit too stiffly with awkwardness. </p><p>Dean shifts on the bench seat, snorting "Sure Cas, just like that."</p><p>"Well, Dean what would you like to say then?" Cas quirks one of his eyebrows looking down on him with a frown. Crossing his arms over his chest with a huff. To which Dean just rolls his eyes, for such an angel he can be royally pissy at times.  </p><p>"Maybe just without the 'copious', don't want my parents to think my boyfriend is too smart for me." Something about the word boyfriend rolls off his tongue in just the right way. As if it were normal and fit. Of course, maybe that was just because Dean wanted to fit the square peg into the round hole, and he no longer has the strength of a mere toddler. </p><p>"I'm not too smart for you Dean. You are just as smart as me and you know it." Cas scolds, and Dean feels his heart flutter the least little bit.</p><p>"Come on fake boyfriend" Dean cuts off, Winchester boys don't do compliments. (Maybe just Dean Winchester doesn't) He swings open the impala door, walking around to the trunk. </p><p>Cas joins him after a moment, grabbing his bag out, just before Dean slams it closed with a - Clunk. </p><p>"Are you sure about this Cas? This won't be weird?" Dean swallows thickly, his eyes darting back and forth between Cas's watery blue eyes. Stopping them from walking up the pathway. </p><p>Instead of responding, Cas switches his bag to his other shoulder, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist. Dean feels the pressure against his back as Cas steps forwards and he stumbles along. His breath caught in his throat, not even worried about the thin layer of ice covering the cement path. His only focus is getting his feet to move, and his heart to stop jumping out at the simple intimate touch from Cas. </p><p>In a single moment, they are to the brown mahogany door and his finger on the cold doorbell. <br/> <br/>-</p><p>A low ring rises from the house.</p><p> Suddenly the door is being swung open and Dean is being pulled into a bone-crushing hug. Cas drops away from his arm before it can get captured too. He watches with amusement as Dean's cheeks turn a dark shade of scarlet, "Dean you are here" Mary's silvery voice exclaims, ignoring Dean's embarrassment. </p><p>”Mom” Dean mumbles into her shoulder with a grin, erasing all traces of embarrassment. Cas knows he’s a momma’s boy. With Mary though Cas would be too. </p><p>"Oh and Castiel, my other boy" Mary smiles as she steps away from her oldest son. </p><p>"Hello Mary," Cas says warmly before he is pulled into a hug of his own, but not an ounce of red dashes his face, however. Mary always makes him feel a mother's warmth even though he hadn't gotten that in a long time. Finally, she pulls away from the two of them, scanning down the both of them. Probably in assurance they are eating enough. Classic mom style. Cas too looks to Dean. Admiring the way his hair spikes a few fallen snow flurries effortlessly.</p><p>”Anyways Dean where is your boyfriend you promised would come for Christmas? Tell me he didn't miss it.” Mary looks around them searching for a non-existent face. A sympathetic note in her voice. </p><p>”actually” Dean straightens up beside Cas before dropping their hands together, fingers interlocking. Cas gives a squeezing urging him to continue ”Cas is my boyfriend.” </p><p>”oh” Mary's face lights up, looking at their hands ”Oh! Lovely, this is perfect! Well, come on in boys let's get these bags out of your hands. Dean your father will be home in a few hours, with Bobby. Ellen and Jo are in the kitchen” </p><p>From what Cas knows growing up around the Winchester’s, Bobby and the rest of the Singers are practically family just not by blood. Which is where Dean got the understanding which he gratefully passed to Cas, that family don’t end in blood. </p><p>Dean nods his head at Mary’s statement as they are ushered in the door. Cas keeps his hand linked with Dean’s if only to quell his nerves. It's not that he'd never met Dean’s family before but he just wasn't used to the big family Christmas anymore. Or well this newfound rel-fake relationship.</p><p>The inside of the house seems double Christmasy than the outside. Garland strung neatly over most of the shelves. A town of glass snowmen and gingerbread, decorate the buffet-style cabinet beside the door. A large Christmas tree sitting in the corner of the living room. With a large sliver skirt beneath the silver and blue decorated tree. An angel with ceramic wings sits on the top. A tad out of place but Cas knows it’s the one the Winchesters use every year. </p><p>Before they leave the living room, the two boys deposit their presents in the already large heap of wrapped boxes and bags. Even though Cas wasn’t coming as Dean’s boyfriend he had still gotten the rest of the Winchesters and Dean gifts. Thinking it’d be rude not to. Now he is more than grateful that he had. </p><p>The rest of the downstairs is decorating in red, green, and blue. Even going so far as to have fake snowflakes covering each of the windows. </p><p>Quickly they are swept into the kitchen, Cas smirks as Ellen slaps Dean in the back of the head, before pulling him into a hug. </p><p>"Ellen" Dean exclaims but returns the hug.</p><p>Cas nods at Jo. In return, she tips her beer bottle towards him with a smile. A mischievous glint in her eyes. Cas knows he's screwed. Remembering back to the drinking games they shared, with and without Dean. Her pouring Cas shot after shot till they were both stumbling messes. Always he seemed to surprise her with his Alcohol tolerance, and she when she ended up making out with Dean somewhere. That one stung, Cas shifted back returning his focus to Ellen. This is awkward. </p><p>"That's for keeping it a secret that our angel Castiel over here is your boyfriend." Ellen shakes her head, grinning at Cas. In return, a blush spread over his cheeks turning them an awful shade of red. </p><p>"Sorry Ellen" Cas studied the black and white tiles of the kitchen floor, "We just wanted..."</p><p>Cas didn't know what to say, everyone now thought they had been dating for months. They thought he’d been in Benny’s place with Dean. He hadn't thought about that little factor in their agreement. Though he longed for it to be true. </p><p>"To surprise you" Dean finished, swooping in to save Cas. Returning from where he was apparently greeting Jo with a quick side hug, he laid his arm across Cas's shoulder. Cas glanced back to Jo, seeing her affectionate smile. Maybe it isn't that awkward. </p><p>Ellen glared at them a bit more, before dropping it. "You mightn't be off the hook just yet boys but I'm happy for you two. Plus you're not the only one."</p><p>Cas tilts his head to the side nearly hitting Dean's shoulder. The two boys glanced at each other for a second and then at a spluttering Jo. </p><p>"Um... Yeah," Jo chokes out, Swallowing down a gulp of beer. Giving her mother a scowl, but Ellen just rolls her eyes leaning against the kitchen counter "The girl, Anna I was texting you about Cas, well the same situation with you and Dean."</p><p>Both Dean and Cas chuckled, somehow leaning more into each other if that was even possible. When their bodies fell flush into each other Cas froze, as if his brain shorted out from a simple touch. It felt like sparks drew from where each piece of their bodies met. </p><p>As if sensing his tenseness Dean halted his words, "Can't wait to meet'er," Dean cleared his throat "Me and Cas better get unpacked 'fore John and Bobby get here."</p><p>Just like that Cas was being tugged away. </p><p>-</p><p>"Sorry, Cas" Dean finally pulled away once they entered the all too familiar room. His eyes fell on the small bed. The bed didn’t pose a problem, or at least Dean hoped it wouldn’t. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t shared one many times before, "I didn't think to ask what you'd be comfortable doing in front of my family when you agreed to this."</p><p>Cas evaded Dean's gaze pretending to be interested in the cowboy figures on one of Dean's shelves. As if he hadn't studied them a thousand times while he had spent time with Dean when he was younger, "you don't need to apologize Dean" </p><p>He felt Dean move around behind him. Presumably placing his bag down as well, with a clunk on the wooded floors. </p><p>"So" Dean paused and Cas could feel his eyes piercing his back. The wariness in his voice "What are you comfortable with, 'cause you know I'm no prude." He laughed with what Cas turned to see as a slight grimace. </p><p>"I know you aren't" Cas eluded thinking over his next move. </p><p>The unsaddled horse gripped tightly in his clutches. </p><p>"Don't let that influence you though. I just don't want things to be awkward between us after this if I go too far. I don't want to ruin our friendship all because I can't keep a relationship" Dean said sincerely, stepping closer and placing a hand over the horse as well. </p><p>Taking it from his hand and leaning in to place it back on the shelf. His eyes never once leaving Castiel’s. </p><p>They stared. </p><p>
  <em>This is going to end in pain Castiel. This is just pretend, to get his Dad off his back nothing more to him. He doesn't and will never feel the same. Don't do this to yourself. </em>
</p><p>Part of his thoughts chanted. His heart broke a little at those thoughts. The thoughts that were correct. </p><p>
  <em>So what if it's just pretend, you'll never get this chance to be with him the way you want again. Take it. Enjoy it, at least you'll get to experience what being with Dean is like. </em>
</p><p>Ultimately it was these thoughts that overturn the first thoughts. An angel and a devil sitting on his shoulder though he didn't know which was which, “Anything is fine by me Dean, it won't be awkward. I promise it is fake."</p><p>"Right" Dean stepped back with a flinch. For the briefest of moments, before Dean flopped down onto the bed, Cas swore he saw sadness flash across his features. But it was gone before he could tell. </p><p>
  <em>Wishful thinking Castiel, don't kid yourself. </em>
</p><p>- </p><p>
  <em>Just fake Dean Winchester. Cas just feels sympathetic for your pathetic ass. </em>
</p><p>He pushed down the hurt that seemed to swell up. </p><p>”Kissing?” Dean asked looking at the popcorn textured ceiling. His heart pounding in his chest, selfishly wanted Cas to say yes. </p><p>Cas flopped down beside him, ”Couples do typically do that yes.” </p><p>”I meant can you kiss?” Dean rolled his eyes.  </p><p>”Yes I can kiss” Cas huffed slightly offended sounding. As he crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>”No that’s n-of course y-you ca-“ Dean stuttered out, looking towards Cas. He saw a small smirk on the side of his face. He was enjoying Dean’s flustering pain. </p><p>“Ugh” Dean pushed Cas by the shoulder making him nearly roll off the bed “I hate you” </p><p>“Sur-re,” Cas said between fits of laughter. Clutching his stomach as he doubled over. Squirming around on the bed. Even as Dean tried to stay mad he couldn’t help but to let out a loud laugh as well. <br/> <br/>Cas pushed back, one eyebrow raised “Can you kiss Dean?” </p><p>Dean’s eyes widened a moment at Castiel’s words till he saw the stupid grin on his face. Throwing back on his flirtatious confidence, he wriggled his eyebrows “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, lover boy.” </p><p>Another fit of laughter broke out between the two of them. As they got settled into Dean’s room for the next few days. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dean, your father and Bobby are home” Mary called up from downstairs.</p><p>Cas placed the last of his clothing in the drawer beneath Dean’s own. Turning around to walk out with Dean. But Dean stood there, white as a sheet. Staring at the doorway.</p><p>“Dean” Cas bumped him, with a worried expression on his face. Dean however didn’t flinch, at the movement, “Dean?” Cas repeated.</p><p>No sound came out as Dean opened and closed his mouth.</p><p>“Hey” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand “It’ll be okay, I’ll be with you the entire time. Breath.”</p><p>Dean nods along, and after a second he is breathing again. Almost back to his usual confident Dean Winchester swagger.</p><p>“Okay” he said but it was more of a question, there was still a fear most people wouldn’t register in Dean’s eyes. Castiel knows Dean though, almost as well as the inside of his own eyelids.</p><p>Dean glances to their hands.</p><p>“Oh” Cas drops them instantly.</p><p>”No don't - I -” he grabs Cas’s hand again with a smile that almost reaches his eyes. Causing Cas’s heart to do a flip l in his chest ”come on”</p><p>The two of them descend the stairs hand in hand. Cas watches as Dean slowly builds back up his walls. But Cas just holds tighter to his hand in hopes of stabilizing him.</p><p>”Son” Bobby greets with a gruff grin, slumping down his bags. His typical old blue ball cap right where it belongs atop his head. A nodding gesture to the boy's linked hands, ”Castiel gonna be my new sorta son in law then”</p><p>Cas could feel the sigh from Dean, the tension ease. He couldn't help but let off a beaming smile as Dean answered ”we will just have to see”</p><p>”Merry Christmas idjits” Bobby pulls them both into his arms with a quick pat to their backs.</p><p>Almost in unison they chime back ”Merry Christmas Bobby.”</p><p>”Oh my love birds” Bobby rolls his eyes but without contempt ”aren’t you two just straight off the hallmark channel.”</p><p>Dean shook his head with a chuckle, that made Cas’s heart stutter. The way he threw his head back, freckles prominent in the light, ”Damn straight - well kinda. Where's dad?”</p><p>”Where do ya think?” Bobby stuck his thumb behind him, towards the door with a drawl.</p><p>Dean nodded, a slow swallow matching it “Right Baby.”</p><p>”Give me a second with dad angel, then I'll be back, ” Dean pecked Cas on his hairline before they broke apart. An act that was forever seared into Cas’s mind. He could get used to angel.</p><p>Cas watched as Dean went, till he closed the door.</p><p>”You two look happy together, I'm glad.” Bobby confessed as soon as the door clicked shut.</p><p>For a second Cas had almost forgotten that it was all fake. He sighed with an ache in his heart ”We are - I am”</p><p>
  <em>True but what about after. This is going to end in pain Castiel. </em>
</p><p>Cas doesn't listen though when does he ever listen.</p><p>--</p><p>Cas picks at his cuticles. Listening to the conversations around him. Adding in little comments at times. Sipping on the second bottle of beer Jo gave him mischievously. Mostly, he's just worried about Dean. Jo gives him a small thumbs up when he looks back to the door.</p><p>"Why don't you go check on them dear" Mary waves her hand to the door from where she sits in a yellow chair across from him. Directing the conversation away from Cas, back to Ellen.</p><p>"Okay, I'll be right back"</p><p>Cas steps out pulling his blue scarf around his neck over his tan trench coat. The cool air breezing over him. He looks through the white sheet of snow falling to the earth towards the impala.</p><p>Dean stands across from his dark haired father, his back ramrod straight. A soldier, and if Cas were a betting man, he would guess his face matched. John on the other hand, leaned leisurely against Baby a conceited smile on his face. Cas clenched his fists, digging his nails into his hand. Stalking to Dean's side.</p><p>"You need to giv'her a wax Dean, look at the shit on my car" John stabbed rubbing his finger over the shiny black metal. Which definitely didn't need a waxing.</p><p>"Dean" Cas spoke tensely, he wouldn't say he is John's number one fan. The sentiment however he was sure was returned. Dean looked away from John, the strained expression on his face lessening. Cas frowned at the way his forest eyes turned into a plodded kind of dull green. Their shoulders brushed as Cas came to Dean's side, and Dean flinched. Which only proved to make Cas angrier.</p><p>"Dad you remember Cas um Castiel?" Dean gestured towards Cas stiffly. Things were complicated.</p><p>John looked over to him, with an air of arrogance "Ah yes your scrawny nerdy friend"</p><p>Dean slumped his shoulders, and Castiel wrapped his arm around his waist. Dean leaned in using Cas as support. He could hear Dean suck in a deep breath, leaning into the touch "Actually less scrawny now, and less friend try boyfriend."</p><p>"John hello" Cas stuck out his hand to John choosing to ignore the sneering words. At least for Dean's sake.</p><p>"I got to go help Mary," John scoffed. brushing past the couple.</p><p>Dean leaned against Cas as he let out a breath, "Are you okay Dean"</p><p>"Um..." Dean coughed, but didn't make a move to leave Cas's clutches "Yeah. Thanks, sorry about John."</p><p>"Don't apologize for your father. Plus" Cas curled his lips into a wicked smile "I don't think we did a good enough job convincing your father how grossly in love we are."</p><p>Dean smirked back to his regular self "I think your right. We better step it up, I didn't have you fake date me, just to not to convince my dad that being Bi is fake."</p><p>--</p><p>"Hey where is Sam?" Dean asked aloud from where he was cuddled up with Cas on the couch. His arms tangled around Cas's body, one hand lovingly stroking his hair. Appearing sickly in love. The thing that scared him was how easy, how normal it all felt to be with Cas.</p><p>He never wanted to stop, that is a problem though. None of this is real; at least not to Cas. He could never love someone like him, regardless Cas deserves better.</p><p>Jo piped in from where she sat watching the grinch "He's with his girlfriend, Elieen, he'll be back tomorrow for Christmas morning though."</p><p>"Oh really, and you allowed this mom" Dean asked with an amused tone to his voice.</p><p>"Dean, he is a Junior in highschool, and Eileen is a nice <em>girl</em>" John spat out 'girl' with venom dripping from his tongue. A look of disgust as he looked at the two boys together.</p><p>"She is" Mary glared at John, "Here boys, after dinner we are going caroling, wear these. The green one is your Dean and the blue is for Cas"</p><p>Dean took the two sweaters she was holding out, nudging Cas up, "Thanks mom"</p><p>A laugh broke out from Dean as soon as they stepped into his room. Cas tilted his head to the side in confusion. Dean held out the blue sweater to Cas, watching as his eyes widened in disgust.</p><p>"We don't actually have to wear these, do we Dean?" Cas pleaded, looking at the sweater in horror.</p><p>"Oh you know we do buddy" Dean may have been more upset about wearing them if Cas's face hadn't been priceless, "Come on"</p><p>"You first" Cas grumbled.</p><p>Dean shook his head "Fine"</p><p>He slipped off his flannel, throwing the green sweater over his tee shirt.</p><p>"Oh.. oh m-my go-d" Cas cackled out looking at his chest. Clutching his stomach with tears in his eyes, "Your r-righ-t we-hehee do-oohhoo nee.. to w-eearr the-the..m"</p><p>"Stop it" Dean hit him on the shoulder. Looking down at the god awful sweater. The green fabric covered in tinsel and bulbs wrapped up as if he were a christmas tree. At the very bottom it read Christmas in candy canes, "Put yours on and see how you feel"</p><p>Cas paused his laughter looking back at the blue thing before shedding a few layers, "ugh"</p><p>He tossed the thing over his head.</p><p>"Cas!" Dean practically screeched with laughter. Looking him up and down. The sweater looked like a fake tux with a blue tie, all over the blue vest was covered in snowflakes. The tie read Merry in silver glitter, "This is perfect. I definitely prefer this tie over the other, really brings out your- eyhee - eyeees - eyes"</p><p>"You think?" Cas shakes with a gummy laugh, both of them just cackling at one another. Dean's breath catches as he sobers up at the pure exhilaration, and laughter on Cas's face. In that moment he wants nothing more than to stride across the room and press their lips together. But there is no-one here, and this isn't real.</p><p>Cas stops his laughter after a moment as well a smile still on his lips, and something else. An unreadable expression in his eyes as he looks at Dean "What?"</p><p>"Nothing" Dean covers shaking away his thoughts of what those pink lips would feel like. If they would be as soft as he always imagined, "I just haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Come on let's go show everyone"</p><p>He holds out his hand, and Cas's slots in his warm hand, fitting them together like a puzzle.</p><p>“Did you realize that our sweaters say Merry Christmas together” Cas questions, tugging at Dean’s hand, as the walk down the hall. Looking at how Mary rearrange the pictures on the wall. A few with the whole family, some with just Dean and Sam. Even one the Cas is in.</p><p>Dean looks down still gagging at how hideous the sweaters are, “I think that was intentional”</p><p>--</p><p>Dinner goes by easily. The two boys with their knees touching under the table. Occasionally feeding each other bites of their food. If only to get a rise out of John, each time, his face shades a deep red. Cas smiles on the inside, glad to get under his skin. Other than John there is laughter and joy.</p><p>Castiel feels like the missing piece of him clicks. Part of him wishes this were actually real because it feels so much like home. Like family, something he hasn't had for years. It warms him somewhere deep, convincing him maybe he can have this. The way that Dean looks at him, he thinks maybe he isn't the only one not playing pretend but, it's all an act for Dean. His thoughts remind him.</p><p>
  <em>This is going to end in pain, Castiel.</em>
</p><p>At least he has it now.</p><p>After dinner the fake couple, washes and loads the dishwasher together in harmony. Just as they do back in their dorm, just a bit more touchy than before. Despite Mary’s insistence that they are the guests, and they shouldn’t have to do the dishes.</p><p>"I'll be right back" Dean says hanging up the towel once they finish, "Then we can go caroling"</p><p>Cas nods leaning his back against the counter. Sending a quick text to Gabriel checking up on how his Christmas is. Though he’s not too concerned, Gabe could be in a meat grinder for Christmas and he’d still crack a joke about it. That is as long as he has candy.</p><p>"Castiel" John commands sternly entering the kitchen.</p><p>"Oh hello sir" Cas slips his phone back into his pocket, "will you be joining us for caroling"</p><p>"No, I don't believe I will be." John crosses his arms over his chest.</p><p>Cas nods, "That's too bad. I'm sure Mary will miss yo-"</p><p>"Boy, let's just stop with the politeness." John cuts him off holding up his hand. His voice rippling like the flames of hell fire, "We both know what you and Dean are doing. It's pathetic, faking your 'love' in front of me just because Dean's learned a fancy new word bisexual. I don't know how he roped you into it, but you can stop now. We all know it's fake."</p><p>Cas tenses his jaw, pushing away from the counter to stand level with John, "Sir with all due respect, you are wrong. Dean is bisexual and it is not just a fancy word he found off of the internet. It is a real thing that you need to accept because that is a part of Dean. As for our 'love'"</p><p>Cas pauses taking a breath and with all of his passion. He confesses his truth unwavering away from the man. Looking at him with murder in his eyes, "I am very much in love with your son. Nothing about my love for him will ever be fake. I promise you that. He is the love of my life."</p><p>John looks taken back by the bold fierceness of his words, obviously he wasn't expecting that. It was all true though. Not that Cas would ever admit to Dean.</p><p>That's what makes it so simple to admit though isn't it? Because it's the truth.</p><p>--</p><p>Dean stands hidden in the doorway listening to the conferentation. He almost jumps out when John starts talking his blood boiling, but Cas is quick to defend him with his sharp witted tongue.</p><p>“He is the love of my life" Cas finishes his speech, daggers from his eyes piercing John. Dean almost believes that Castiel is telling the truth, how confidently he states it. As if there has never been anything truer escape his lips in his entire life.</p><p>
  <em>It isn't Dean. He is your friend who feels sympathetic for you. Remember. This is just a charade.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Right</em>
</p><p>Dean tears his eyes away from the extremely upset, extremely hot Cas, even with his ugly sweater. Over to his father and he can practically see the steam rising from his ears the way he's feeling.</p><p>"Say he is the love of your life, whatever. I know my son doesn't feel the same for you. Why would he?"</p><p>That's it. Dean snaps, storming into the kitchen taking Cas's hand, the other pointing into his father. Part of his body blocking Cas. His voice cold, almost dead, the only readable expression anger, “Don't you dare talk about Cas like that. You have no right to even suggest that he doesn't deserve the whole goddamn world! Clearly you don't know me because if you did you would know I love him with every breath I’ve got!"</p><p>His words reverberate off the walls, straight into Castiel's soul. Permanently etching themselves in his brain. Dean Winchester doesn't say love, fake or not. Cas strengthens his grip, the other on his chest. Feeling the way Dean's heart beats rapidly with anger, "shh it's okay Dean" Cas whispers, in an attempt to calm him.</p><p>John just watches perplexed, “Son I-“</p><p>Dean lets out a strained noise, "Just go Dad"</p><p>John gives a look back at the two of them, a sort of guilt there, but reluctantly he leaves.</p><p>Cas pulls Dean into his arms as Dean crumbles against him. Stroking his hair. The tinsel and bulbs pressing between them, yet it is somehow is where Dean belongs.</p><p>“Fuck Cas, I just wanted to go caroling, with my boyfriend - fake boyfriend” Dean saves himself laughing bitterly, at both his father and the situation.</p><p>Cas nods pulling Dean a bit closer, and Dean nuzzles into his neck, “I wish I could fix this for you Dean. I can’t though. We can still go caroling though. That is something I can fix. I promise I will make it the jolliest time you’ve had this Christmas.”</p><p>“Okay” Dean breathes into his neck, “just make sure you have your hat and gloves. I’m not sharing mine”</p><p>Cas laughs pulling back, pointing to his beanie with his cloth clad finger “Don’t worry I have this covered.”</p><p>“Let’s go angel” Dean laces their fingers, smiling despite the heaviness that is still there. He is totally and completely screwed. Because he is hopelessly in love with his best friend.</p><p>—</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Noel Noel</p>
  <p>The first Noel, the angels did say</p>
  <p>Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay</p>
</blockquote><p>The Winchester family sings to the next house when the elderly couple inside opens it. All huddled together, candles alight in their hands. Fighting against the dwindling light of the sun.</p><p>The previous events with John no longer bothering the pretend couple. Not right now. Right now is about family, happiness, and joy. Though for the first half of their journey Mary keeps glancing at the two, with a regretful expression.</p><p>Dean and Cas look at each other and sing as if they are only singing to each other. The rest of the world is just a backdrop. No it’s not harmonious or beautiful sometimes they sound like nails on a chalkboard. But the cheer gleaming in their eyes outweighs all of that.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>In fields where they lay keeping their sheep</p>
  <p>On a cold winter's night that was so deep</p>
  <p>Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel</p>
</blockquote><p>Cas watches as the notes escape Dean’s bright lips. Slick with spit, from each time he caught Dean’s tongue poking out. Somehow those green eyes look even brighter, glowing from the redness on his nose and cheeks. Each note sending icy crystals in the air. Eyelashes weighed by fallen flakes, matching the ones in his dirty blonde hair.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Born is the King of Israel!</p>
  <p>Noel, Noel</p>
  <p>Noel, Noel</p>
</blockquote><p>Cas lays his head on Deans shoulder, of course just to keep up the act. Not because Dean looks to entirely warm and inviting.</p><p>His heart beats something entirely new, at their reflection in a passing window. They look like an actual couple for Christmas.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>They looked up and saw a star</p>
  <p>Shining in the East beyond them far</p>
  <p>And to the earth it gave great light</p>
</blockquote><p>Dean wraps his arm around the shorter boy. Laughing at the way his dark sex-hair looks even messier from the wind. He looks down to Cas. In that moment his heart swells in is chest, with love and a little bit of fear that soon he’s going to lose this.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>And so it continued both day and night</p>
  <p>Noel, Noel</p>
  <p>Noel, Noel</p>
</blockquote><p>But Dean has this right now and he is going to soak in it.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Noel, Noel</p>
  <p><br/>Noel, Noel</p>
  <p><br/>Noel, Noel </p>
</blockquote><p>After the last house the Winchester and Singer families make their way to the festival in the center of town. Adorn with a rainbow spectacle of lights, hanging over the entire park. From tree to tree, white lights spiral up them. Each pine tree decked out with bulbs, and cranberry and popcorn stringing around them. Little booths, holding cookies, hot chocolate, small little trinkets, and so forth, all surround the park. Smiling faces behind them explaining what each of them have to offer. Families walking about in the snow, children making snow angels, couples clinging to each other with such adoration.</p><p>Cas doesn't think he's ever truly liked the festival, it was always just a reminder of all the things he didn't have. Until now.</p><p>Once they reach the festival the Singers and Winchester break away from their light chatter. Each going their own direction, to a booth or otherwise. Mary hangs close to the boys still chatting with Ellen.</p><p>For a while the two boys walk around looking at all the things, it has to offer. Picking up a few small trinkets here and there. Nothing special but just nice little things.</p><p>“Stop” Cas halts Dean from their leisurely stroll, he giggles flopping down into the freshly fallen snow. Extending a hand up to Dean with a giggle “I want to be a real angel. Join me?”</p><p>With hesitation Dean takes his hand allowing Cas to pull him into the powder beside him.</p><p>Cas stretches his limbs as far as they can reach, moving them in the snow. The cold seeping into his back and the snow falling down his sleeves. He occasionally bumps Dean from their proximity.</p><p>Once the snow feels as if it is melting on his coat and sweater, the couple pops back up. Careful to not ruin their creations.</p><p>Standing back, Cas beams at their work. Two large angels lay on the ground, wings overlapping. In such a way it appears the two angles are nestled together amongst their sets of grand wings.</p><p>“It’s perfect Dean”</p><p>There was something all too bittersweet about this night, but he couldn't bring himself to care as Dean tugged him towards the hot chocolate stand.</p><p>"Two please" Dean holds up his fingers, smiling at the grey haired lady manning the booth. Her tag just beside her beaded necklace reads Melody.</p><p>Dean looks back to Cas watching his eyes gleam under the lights, as he looks from person to person. Recalling all the times Cas babbled about enjoying people watching, the time he brought him to the park, the smile on his face that was breathtaking. When they met, Dean sitting on the park bench after cheerleading practice waiting for his father. Cas slumping down beside him seemingly unaware of his presence, a flute case in hand. Till he saw the freckled face boy and nearly jumped out of his skin. Dean remember unearthly blue, that was the first thing he’d been met with.</p><p>A smile grows on his face and Cas looks back at him, "What"</p><p>"You just look beautiful" Dean breaths stroking back a piece of his unruly hair.</p><p>Cas gapes looking away with a bashful look, but Dean catches the small smile, "Dean, you can't just say things like that"</p><p>"Course I can Cas you're my boyfriend" Dean smiles but then he remembers no he's not, this is just pretend. Quitier, he adds "well sorta"</p><p>Cas of course looks around, most likely to see if one of the Winchesters are around. Luckily for Dean's big mouth, Mary stands picking out ornaments, possibly in earshot. Dean scolds himself for almost revealing the truth.</p><p>"Here you are" Melody holds out two cups, giving them an admiring look, "You two remind me of myself and my late husband, he was also very shy. Goodness we were so in love much like the two of you."</p><p>Dean feels blood rush to his cheeks, Cas not much better. Tense against each other, "um" Dean grapples taking the peppermint hot cocoa from her hands.</p><p>"Thanks," Cas pipes in with a small voice.</p><p>They scurry away, to a snow covered bench.</p><p>"I guess we are doing a good job," Cas says with a small little smile, once they sit taking the cocoa from Dean.</p><p>Dean frowns looking at a couple standing under a mistletoe, lips locked. Instead of dwelling on it he takes a sip of the drink, "Yeah we are"</p><p>"I want to thank you Dean this is quite more enjoyable than I thought it may be. Of course I thought I'd be third wheeling much of Christmas. But this has brought me much joy" Cas admits, and Dean's heart does a painful twist. Knowing even if Benny were here Cas wouldn't be the third wheel. Dean understands it now why Benny left, there's a freedom in it Dean thinks.</p><p>Dean takes another sip leaning his head on Cas's shoulder "There is no reason for you to thank me Cas you are family, but I also have enjoyed this time."</p><p>Cas tips his head resting it lightly atop Dean's, and they sit just like that sipping down their cocoa, and watching people. On the same park bench where they met each other all those years ago.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Boys, Dean, Cas" Dean hears a hushed voice, small hands shaking at their shoulders. He blinks against the darkness, only illuminated by small colorful lights.</p><p>"Mom" Dean asks sleepily, shifting his head. Cas's own lolls backwards with a groan.</p><p>Mary nods, a few bags balanced precariously on her arms, "You two fell asleep, it's almost ten, I was going to head home, the Singers are already gone back home."</p><p>"Okay"</p><p>"Angel, wake up angel" Dean shakes lightly on Cas's shoulder, "come on"</p><p>Cas rolls into Dean, "No Dean baby, I'm sweepy." Cas clutches at Deans coat, his breath warm against his face at their closeness, "want five more minutes -"</p><p>"Come on Cas , wake up, or I'm going to eat all of your honey" Dean jokes, knowing how tettorial he is about his precious honey that he drove hours to get from a specific farmers market. Or should he say Dean drove him hours to get.</p><p>Almost immediately those blue eyes pop open with panic "Don't you dare touch my honey"</p><p>Dean laughs bumping foreheads with Castiel, "God you'd think you have a whole secret shrine dedicated just to bees. Oh wait, that's just your room..."</p><p>Cas just shakes his head pulling away to stretch "Oh hello Dean, we must have fallen asleep."</p><p>Embarrassed Cas bites his lip, looking away. But Dean isn’t having any of it “We did, Mom's waiting for us"</p><p>Cas nods. Sticking his hand back into Deans fitting just as he remembers.</p><p>Dean leads them to the blonde haired woman standing by the entrance. Just before they reach it though, a child stops them.</p><p>"Hey" the brown curly haired girl giggles. A small gap in her front teeth shows as she does "a mis'toe abobe you"</p><p>She looks at them expectantly, they both look up at the same time, then at each other.<br/><br/><em>This is going to end in pain Castiel</em></p><p>His thoughts remind him but he can't bring himself to care. This may be his only chance to do the one thing he's been dreaming of for years. Cas reaches up, his hand covering Dean’s cheek, and he's sure if the glove hadn't been there he'd be able to feel the day old stubble growing there.</p><p>By now the girl has ran off again in a flurry, but Cas doesn’t bring himself to care.</p><p>Dean feels Cas's glove clad hand, press against his cheeks. His heart beats faster, leaning into the touch. Like a touch starved boy.</p><p>Everything screaming in his mind as he looks at those determined blue eyes boring into his green ones.</p><p>He's not sure how but in between the screaming inside his mind, they get closer till they are mere inches apart. Dean's hands gripping Cas's perfectly carved hips, keeping him from ever leaving. They breath in each other's icy peppermint breath. Close enough that if Dean just leaned forwards he could feel those lips he's only ever imagined against his own. So he does.</p><p>All the cacophony of screams in his head stop, all that's left is silence, and feeling. Lips pressed firm against cold lips.</p><p>By some miracle Cas's kisses him back.</p><p>His lips softer than any feeling Dean could have conjured up. Tasting like peppermint and sleep. Their lips move to their own accord, synchronised heartbeats passing between their spit. Dean slips into the feeling easily. Every fiber of his being torn away until all that is left is Cas.</p><p>His tongue running against the other man’s teeth. Tangling up in each other’s mouths in the best way possible. Tongue, teeth, lips, and passion.</p><p>Hours could have passed, maybe even a lifetime before they pulled away, tangled up in each other. Breathing laboured. Neither of them dare to open their eyes first. Just leaning on each other letting everything go unspoken.</p><p>It isn't until they hear Mary's dreamy sigh that they snap back to reality.</p><p>Dean coughs loudly, the bittersweetness of it all catching up to him "we better get home"</p><p>"yeah, um.. Dean I-" Cas starts, still inches apart.</p><p>"hmh" Dean hopes, urging Cas to continue wishing maybe it doesn't have to be bittersweet.</p><p>Cas bites his lip, "nevermind"</p><p>--</p><p>Cas fidgets with his sweats and the Zepp tee Dean let him borrow, once again. Anxiously waiting for Dean to change into his sleepwear as well. He touches his lips, remembering the kiss they shared just an hour ago. His heart fluttering in his chest. A stampede of thoughts going in his head, because it felt so real.</p><p>He shifts again hanging off the bed.</p><p>"ugh" he groans, pulling his book from his duffle. A story of how an angel rebelled and fell for the righteous man, saving him from hell, and in turn the righteous man rose and taught him about humanity and free will. Slowly falling in love himself. A man who didn't believe in angels until he fell in love with one.</p><p>Cas had read this story more times than he could count, he didn't know why but he loved it.</p><p>The book is worn, the spine broken, pages wrinkled from where rain had fell on it, but Cas still reads it, in spite of it all. Nearly every nook and cranny of empty space filled and he still has more to comment on, to note down.</p><p>He settles against the head board opening the hard cover to where he last stopped. Effortlessly he falls into the fictional world. Cas doesn’t even look up when the door opens and Dean steps inside too caught up in one of the characters domestic moments at an old diner.</p><p>“I can’t believe you are reading that again. I don’t get how you read so much.” Dean teases and Cas glances over for just a moment, “You are becoming just as bad as Sammy with that book.”</p><p>Cas drops his arms as he finished the scene “I enjoy it Dean, just as Sam does enjoy reading”</p><p>“But why” Dean asks honestly, laying down in the empty space on the bed.</p><p>It’s odd that things between them are just as usual. Only a bit of distance distinct in their friendship after the kiss. The occasional fluttering of eyes away when they meet, but almost normal.</p><p>"Fiction is easier Dean.” Cas answers after quiet contemplation.</p><p>Dean licks across his lips and it takes all of Cas’s will power not to trace the move with his eyes “how do you mean buddy”</p><p>Cas sighs, he liked it better when Dean was calling him angel.</p><p>“Fiction, stories. You can watch it, read it, time and again. There's something unlimited, and expanding to interpret every time. There is no rush to understand, no such thing as too late. The world, people - love is easier to understand. There is no judgment, or other shoe waiting to drop. It's simply a window of escape and happiness, that isn't laced with something bittersweet. Just..." Cas trails off placing the golden ribbon holding his page back into the book placing it beside the bed "sometimes fiction is easier - better. Everything just works. ”</p><p>His voice was just a whisper at the end, as he rolled onto his side facing Dean. For a moment they just stared, Cas could almost feel the wheels in Dean's head turning, the thoughtful way in which he tried to interpret Cas's words.</p><p>”That’s crap Cas” Dean stated bluntly but with gentle ease ”life is difficult yes, hard to understand, and maybe fiction is easier. But”</p><p>He paused and Cas scrunched his eyebrows as Dean caresses his cheek. There was no one in the room, no one to deceive with this intimate touch. Why then? Could he?</p><p>
  <em>Don’t be stupid Castiel. He doesn’t feel the same</em>
</p><p>His thoughts snap just as his hopes arise. It’s probably true too, Dean would have done something if he felt the same. He always has confidence with relationships, and his flirtatious manner.</p><p>”But not everything is bittersweet, and sometimes things work.” There was a pleading in Dean’s eyes as if he was begging for something, something Castiel couldn't decipher. Or maybe just didn't believe could be possible.</p><p>There was so many things Cas wanted to say. Answers he wanted to give Dean. Things he wanted to get off his chest.</p><p>But he is too afraid. Every sentence he begins in his head just doesn’t feel right.</p><p>So he doesn’t say anything except “maybe you just need to read it to understand Dean”</p><p>Dean pulls his hand away breaking the moment. He shuffles around in his duffle bag, while Cas watches curiously. Finally he seems to have reached the thing he is looking for a book.</p><p>Cas draws his eyebrows together in confusion before Dean chucks it at him, “maybe I have”</p><p>Looking at the cover he notices the book is the same one on his nightstand.</p><p>Before Cas can say anything however, Dean flicks off the lights with an unceremonious “Goodnight Cas”</p><p>For a moment before Dean closed his eyes laying down on the bed, Cas swore he saw hurt, but when Dean reopens them there is nothing there.</p><p>“And Merry Christmas”</p><p>With a sigh Cas let his eyes close as well, putting the book beside his own, “Merry Christmas Dean”</p><p>Dean groans half awake. Sleep clouding his mind. Blinking his eyes open, the barely alight clock on the side table in front of Dean, glows reading 1:50 am.</p><p> He shifts in the bed an icy chill breezing over his bare skin. He shivers only a single piece of blanket over his waist. He tugs at the blankets sleepily, but each of them are weighed down.</p><p>All three of them wrapped perfectly around Castiel, like a sleepy burrito. All nestled into the blankets. Cas clutching the blankets to his chest. </p><p>“Blanket hog” Dean mutters and shivers again. </p><p>In response Cas lets out a small snore. </p><p>This time Dean tugs harder at the blankets. Still they don't budge. Gently he rolls over prying Cas's death grip off of the blankets, pushing his arm back over. He rolls back over pulling all three blankets with him. Until he has each of them completely covering him. Instantly he smiles his eyes half lidded with sleep feeling warmer, the heat trapped with their two bodies under the blankets. </p><p>Dean freezes slightly as the blankets he covers himself with pull Cas along. Rolling him over till Cas’s nearly pressed against his back, spooning him. An arm slung across his waist. </p><p>"Um Cas" Dean coughs, scooting away. But Cas just trails with him, the blankets moving him. Falling into where Dean dips the bed. </p><p>"Stop" Cas whines, pawing Dean's chest, effectively pulling him closer. Cas mumbles his voice groggy, clearly not awake, "Baby yo'so cold. Com're I warm you"</p><p>Dean thinks Cas must be dreaming of someone else, a past lover perhaps, as he spoons him. His head swimming with the way their bodies are pressed together, and with sleep, "Angel, it's Dean" Dean states though he selfishly doesn't actually want to leave his arms. </p><p>Cas lifts his head lips above Dean's ear, a warm puff of breath "I know"</p><p>Dean swallows, it was an unmistakable statement, with no room for argument. So Dean doesn't argue it. If he were fully awake he might have better sense but he is not, so he allows it. Maybe just because he enjoys it a little more than he should.  </p><p>So he presses back against Cas, as Cas snuggles his face into Dean's hair, legs tangling with his own. Hot against his icy skin, like his own personal human heater, with Cas as his blanket he's unsure he even needs the blankets. Soft snores begin again from the man holding him like his life depends on it. Lulling Dean back into a dreamless sleep. </p><p>Just before Dean nods off he swears he feels a ghost of lips against his neck. </p><p>— </p><p>Something tickles at Cas's nose, waking him from his content sleep. One of the best nights of rest he's had for years if he's honest. </p><p>He pulls his head back sniffling slightly. When he opens his eyes he is met with a head full of dirty blonde hair. Cas stiffness in realization of what he has done. Pressed firmly against his best friend - fake boyfriend - love of his life. </p><p>Quietly he pulls his arm off of Dean careful not to wake him. His whole body, aflame. Praying to everything holy and good that Dean doesn't wake up. He doesn't think he could handle the mortification of this implication of his feelings. </p><p>
  <em>Shit shit shit</em>
</p><p>Cas mutters under his breath. Scooting away inches at a time. </p><p>"Mhm Cas" Dean rolls over reaching out to grab Cas's hand. When he rests his hand atop Cas's he sighs happily. Back to his still sleep. Eyes moving quickly behind his eyelids. </p><p>Cas lays there stiff as a board, his breath coming up short. Trying to process Dean's sleep driven words and actions. He said Cas. His heart gives a flutter. He nearly opens his mouth before his brain reminds him. </p><p>
  <em>Don't be stupid he isn't awake, he's just confused. He doesn't like you back, how could he? This will end in pain Castiel.</em>
</p><p>After a moment of self doubt and stilled breathing he lifts Dean's hand putting it back down in the now empty warm spot their hands had just been. Wiping his sweaty hand on his shirt. Once he is sure Dean won't wake from the movement, he slips quickly from the bed. </p><p>The first thing he registers is the cold wood of the floor beneath his bare feet. Reaching down he grabs the fluffy bee socks he discarded on the ground just before getting in bed. Pulling them on he looks back over at Dean, the small pout on his lips moving slowly as he breaths. Long, dark lashes fanning over his pale eyelids. A few darker freckles can be seen where the morning sunlight filters in through the bedroom window. </p><p>Cas smiles at the all too familiar face now blissfully asleep. He tiptoes out the bedroom, leaving the door ajar on the way out.  </p><p>
  <em>Idiot</em>
</p><p>Before making his way towards the soft clamour down stairs, Cas goes to the restroom. Brushing his teeth, and smoothing down his unruly bedhead the best he can. </p><p>"Good morning Cas Merry Christmas" Mary greets warmly, when Cas enters the kitchen. Christmas music playing softly around the room. She looks up from where she is rolling out dough on the counter top. The rest of the counter is covered with an assortment of things. Plates, spices, and other kitchen utensils awaiting Christmas day use.  </p><p>"Merry Christmas Mary" Cas yawns grabbing a mug from the shelf and pouring himself a cup of steaming coffee.<br/> <br/>Mary smiles at the action, continuing her cooking, "Why are you up so early it's only five thirty."</p><p>Cas shrugs "I wake up at four am most days for work so I'm used to waking up early. Dean hates it." he adds smiling into his cup. Though it is rare that he wakes Dean when he gets up for work, it can be hard not to in their tiny dorm. More than once he's had a pillow chucked at his head for 'being too Damn loud at the ass crack of dawn'. According to Dean who needs his four hours of rest. Yet can stay up late into the night blaring his classic rock through his headphones. </p><p>"Mhm, I'm sure" Mary hums. "He's never been much of an early bird, even when he was a baby." </p><p>An affectionate smile crosses Cas's face, at how simple, how good the interaction feels. Talking to Dean's mother, as if Dean is actually his boyfriend. There is a sort of longing in his chest that he hasn't felt before. Something he's sure won't go away now that he's had it. </p><p>"Really, I can believe that." Cas chuckles imagining a sleeping baby Dean. Pushing the longing away for a future Cas to deal with. He sets his mug down on the counter with a small clank, "Would you like some help."</p><p>"Sure you can help me finish making these cinnamon rolls, if you'd like." Mary offers, gesturing to the rolled out dough. </p><p>Cas rolls up the sleeves of his 'Friends' jumper, washing his hands "I'll warn you, I'm not the best at baking. But I did occasionally bake for the people at the senior center when I was younger."</p><p>"Oh yes" Mary says a bit of nostalgia in her voice, giving Cas the butter to spread on the rolled dough, "I remember that, Dean gushed on and on about how kind you were for doing that, and how it always made his grandfather Henry smile. Dean even started to make things for the senior center, all those wood burned vases to hold their flowers."</p><p>"Dean never told me that, he said he didn't know where the vases had come from." Cas tilted his head in confusion as to why Dean would have lied. </p><p>Mary nodded "Well he didn't want you to know because he started it so he could show up just before you did."</p><p>"Oh" Cas's stomach did a flip. Dean always said that he just happened to be spending time with Henry. Cas's supposes he should have known when Desn began to show up again a few months after Henry had died. Cas just always assumed it was because he wanted to remember his grandpa. </p><p>Cas began sprinkling on the cinnamon and sugar. After a few beats of silence Mary spoke once again, pausing their movements "Castiel, I am glad that you two are together. Dean seems happy with you. I have to apologize for my husband, the way he has acted is unfair, and you do not deserve it. He is trying to work on it but that is still no excuse for his actions."</p><p>"You should not be the one apologizing, and I am not the one who deserves an apology," Cas states simply, going back to work on the sprinkling. If it had been anything else, Cas would have accepted the apology and moved on but Dean deserved better than that. Real boyfriend or fake. </p><p>"I know" Mary sighs with a sympathetic frown "but I still feel as though I should apologize. John will come around."</p><p>"I hope he does because Dean is an amazing man" Cas pauses debating whether to answer her apology. Ultimately though it isn’t Mary’s fault she is only married to him, "Thank you"</p><p>Mary smiles, her eyes shining slightly with tears, most definintly thinking of her son “He is” </p><p>—</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean stretches with a yawn only to be met with an empty space where Cas had been. He blushes at his memories of last night, part of him thinks maybe it had been a dream. But the overwhelming smell of Cas on him proved otherwise.</p><p>In a rapid pace, Dean gets himself woken for a fresh day. The clock reading seven thirty. Normally it would be strange for Dean to be awake this early but today isn’t just any normal day, today is Christmas Day.</p><p>Giddily Dean pads down the stairs only after putting on a pair of fluffy Christmas socks. A smile eating his face. Christmas has always been a whirlwind of emotions for him. Each year is filled with mood swings from most of his family members. This year though he has Cas - sorta and pretty much nothing could ruin that.</p><p>Giggles rise from the kitchen as well as a familiar deep rumbling laugh, when Dean approaches. He leans in against the doorway. Met with the sight of his mother and Cas - baking. The two of them with flour splashed down the front of them, smiling and laughing about something. Cas with his ever unruly bed head, looking slightly more tame from him smoothing it down.</p><p>Dean doesn’t know whether it’s the sleepiness still in his veins. The way Cas looks entirely perfect talking to his mother. Or the stupid gingerbread Cas is adorning with a blue tie and a trench coat, but all at once he is swept away. Allowing his heart to take the lead, with not an ounce of thought or push back.</p><p>He walks behind Cas wrapping his arms around his waist. Dropping a kiss onto his shoulder “Merry Christmas Angel”</p><p>In front of him Cas squeezes the frosting bag in his hand, a large glob falling into the cookie he was working on. Clearly startled, but then he seems get it and he tips back into Dean. Then pushes it further leaning his head back placing a kiss on Dean’s jaw, “Merry Christmas love”</p><p>Of course Cas would be a corny boyfriend. Dean expected nothing less than corny.</p><p>Dean places his head on Cas’s with a slight tilt of his head, able to do so by the way Cas is leaning down, “Morning mom, Merry Christmas.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas honey, there is coffee behind you” Mary hums affectionately, placing a dish into the fridge.</p><p>Reluctantly Dean releases Cas from his lazy grip, to grab a mug. Once he has the steaming cup wrapped in his hands he leans against the counter behind Cas.</p><p>Trying his hardest to not stare at his friend’s ass, because that’s all he is a friend. Just helping Dean by being his fake boyfriend. At this point Dean doesn’t remember why he had Cas be his fake boyfriend. Maybe that is the problem that is making him think he can actually have Cas, when he can’t.</p><p>“Come help me Dean” Cas beckons holding out a frosting bag.</p><p>Dean obliges leaving behind his thoughts, it’s Christmas and there are cookies.</p><p>The trio work in comfortable conversation decorating cookie after cookie. Eventually Jo and Anna join them.</p><p>Dean promptly likes Anna. She is fierce and snarky albeit a tad lost much like Cas but less. It seems at least to Dean, that Jo and Anna are happy with each other.</p><p>Just before they finish the last of the cookies the timer on the oven goes off.</p><p>Out Mary pulls a large pan of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. Engulfing the kitchen with the scent of cinnamon and icing.</p><p>“Mhm they smell delicious” Dean eyes the pan greedily, before looking to his mom.</p><p>“Don’t look at me” Mary puts her palms up in front of herself “Cas did the most of the work”</p><p>Raising an eyebrow to Cas he bumps his shoulder “My Cas is a little baker, who’d a thought”</p><p>“Hey” Cas exclaims with a quite grin “just because you always cook for us doesn’t mean I can’t make anything.”</p><p>“As long as you can make pie, I’ll love you forever” Dean states getting a little too caught up in the banter. Though if anyone can make him pie he would love them forever.</p><p>“Ehh you’ll love me forever anyway” Cas states with a wink.</p><p>“Yeah” Dean admits looking directly at Cas.</p><p>Cas snaps his eyes up. A look that Dean can’t read, but it’s almost like he’s trying to find if there is any truth to his confession.</p><p>
  <em>Wishful thinking Dean Winchester.</em>
</p><p>“Well me too assbutt” Cas hits Dean.</p><p>Everyone cackles at Cas’s choice in swearing. Eventually Cas joins in till they fall back into a other joyful conversation.</p><p>Once they finish decorating the remaining cookies, Dean leans back with a self satisfied smirk. Hungry for some cinnamon rolls “When is Sammy and Eileen going to be here” Dean asks.</p><p>Mary opens her mouth and just as she does the sound of the front door swinging open echos through the house, “We are back!” Sam’s voice shouts through the house.</p><p>“Right now I guess” Mary laughs, before calling out “In here Sam”</p><p>—</p><p>“Dean” Sam exclaims with a grin, running up and wrapping his arms around his brother. Who he has in the past year sprouted taller than, “Cas!” He exclaims even more excited, as he pulls Cas over into the hug too.</p><p>“Sam” Dean hugs back, “I see you’re still more excited to see Cas”</p><p>Cas chortles “Sam hello”</p><p>“Sorry” Sam says sheepishly with his puppy dog eyes. It’s not entirely his fault though, that he is more excited to see Cas. Dean doesn’t have anyone else, except his larping friend Charlie, to talk nonstop about his unrequited love too, “I missed you guys”</p><p>“We missed you too” Dean says and both Cas and Dean eye the brown haired girl standing beside Sam. Whom Cas assumes is Eileen.</p><p>“Um right” Sam pulls her forwards, signing “This is my girlfriend Eileen, Eileen this is Dean and that’s Cas - Castiel. You know the rest of them.” He gestures to each respective person as he signs and speaks.</p><p>She smiles up at Sam and then back at everyone else. She both signs and says aloud “hello everyone”</p><p>“Nice to meet you” Dean says ensuring she can read his lips. Once he’s finished speaking he nudges Cas expectantly.</p><p>‘Lovely to meet you, Sam has gushed to me about you’ Cas signs and says. Though his signing is a bit slow and sloppy from lack of practice.</p><p>Still Eileen looks taken aback, and with a giddy smile she signs back, ‘you can sign’</p><p>“He’s a smart one” Dean says with pride in his voice.</p><p>‘I learned from my aunt Amara who was born deaf’ Cas explains, though after she died he hadn’t used it much. Other than the occasional hard of hearing client he worked with.</p><p>‘Oh I was born deaf as well’ Eileen signs, the quick smoothness of her signing reflects that fact.</p><p>“Cas has tried to teach me but the best I can do is, ‘hello’” Dean says a bit sadly, weakly signing ‘hello’.</p><p>'The more you practice the better you get' Sam signs though his aren't as smooth as Eileens they have clearly improved since he showed Dean over Skype during Thanksgiving.</p><p>Dean snorts "Sure that's easy for you to say when you have a pretty girl to learn to sign for."</p><p>A bubble of jealousy Cas hadn't felt in a long time began to rise in his chest. He had learned to accept that Dean would be attracted to everyone except him. That was something he learned to live with but now, Dean's supposed to be Cas's boyfriend right now. Err fake boyfriend.</p><p>
  <em>See quit fooling yourself Dean is just a flirt.</em>
</p><p>Cas sighs agreeing with himself once again and pushes it back down.</p><p>Sam blushes, intertwining their fingers. Cas has the urge to do the same with Dean, but staves it off feeling as if it is not his place, “Well that’s true”</p><p>Tapping his foot Cas waits for Dean to say something to his brother about them, when the conversation dies down. A minute passes, and he still doesn’t.</p><p>“We made gingerbread cookies this morning, me, Cas, and Mary. Technically Cas and Mary made them I just helped decorate” Dean chimes happily, instead showing off the sorta badly decorated cookies on the counter.</p><p>The self-loathing part of Cas’s brain chimes in again. Almost a bitter scoff in his head.</p><p>
  <em>He’s ashamed of you, ashamed to be your boyfriend when it comes to telling the most important person in his life.</em>
</p><p>Cas sighs he should have saw this coming “Yeah they are quite good, the two of you should try them” his voice comes out more despondent than he had hoped it would. At least it doesn’t sound jealous, he hopes that everyone just thinks he is tired.</p><p>“Sam, Cas is my boyfriend” Dean stutters out quickly before anyone else can talk. The statement is so quick he’s sure Eileen didn’t catch it, he isn’t even sure Sam had.</p><p>“Did you say –“ Sam raised his eyebrows slightly “You and Cas”</p><p>Dean nods nervously, so Cas grabs his hand steadying him out. He knows how much he hates lying especially between him and his brother. After the falling out they had when the two of them were younger. Cas isn’t sure what exactly had happened, but he knew it was bad enough that Dean drove almost four hundred miles from Sioux Falls to Lebanon just to get a hug from Cas. When the Winchesters came back the following year for Dean and his senior year however everything seemingly had been resolved.</p><p>“Yes. Me and Cas are together” Dean confirmed this time less jumpy and more bashful than anything.</p><p>Sam grins, the sort of grin that Cas has learned means he has something wicked up his sleeve, “So is it Destiel, Deastiel, or maybe CasDea-“</p><p>“Shudda up” Dean turns red instantly his voice coming out pitchy. Sam just laughs wickedly as if he had expected this response from Dean. Cas assumes he did consider the last time Destiel being a thing had been brought up Dean reacted the same.</p><p>Matching Dean, Cas also turns slightly pink, because he does want cannon Destiel, “jeez Sam” he exclaims half-heartedly and even to himself it comes out strained.</p><p>Dean shifts on his feet, “Bitch”</p><p>“Jerk” Sam shoots back between laughs. Even Eileen is giggling a little.</p><p>“Wait I am confused what are you boys going on about” Ellen asks, piping into the conversation, she had inadvertently overheard.</p><p>“It’s ship names mom. The names of two people in a relationship or who people think should be are smashed together. For example, Dean and Castiel, Destiel. Or Jo and Anna, Jonna”</p><p>Ellen nods, Bobby however grumbles “Kids these days”</p><p>“Hey let them be. They are just having a bit of fun.” Mary defends, with a laugh too, “Personally though Dean I like Destiel the best”</p><p>“Mom!” Dean exclaims throwing his hands over Cas’s ears.</p><p>Cas removes Dean’s hands from his ears the ghost of a laugh on his lips as well. Internally he is screaming but externally he enjoys being the confident one for once, “You know I like that one the best too”</p><p>“Uhg” Dean gasps in disbelief and the rise of confidence is worth it to Cas. He pushes Cas back, with a lighthearted scowl “You traitor”</p><p>Dean backs away from him a hand over his chest, mockingly. Though his cheeks are still flaming red.</p><p>Reaching forwards grabbing at Dean, Cas grouses “Ah don’t be like that love, I was just agreeing with them. Come back, please sunshine”</p><p>“Fine” Dean grumbles, moving back towards Cas. Till their standing toe-to-toe. Cas hasn’t even realized that everyone has stopped watching them and went back as they were.</p><p>It would seem as though, Dean hadn’t noticed either or more happily just doesn’t care. Because he leans down and gives Cas a peck on the lips as an apology. Though the peck turns into a few light kisses – that almost feel like love.</p><p>When they break apart, a dizziness settles in Cas’s head, just as the night before.</p><p>-</p><p>"Without a doubt, Destiel is the best ship name for you and Castiel." John states entering the kitchen. The tension in the air turns palpable. Even the Christmas music feels drowned out by it.</p><p>Dean looks up, straightening slightly, and notices Cas step a bit in front of him. Giving Dean a source of comfort though he feels as though Cas is the one who he needs to protect. As of what happened last time. When he looks up he sees John looking directly at him, with an air of regret in the way he stands.</p><p>The conversations around them die down, but Dean can feel Sam's presence, as if he's ready to get up in an instant. Dean and Cas just look at John with weighted weary expressions. Neither one speaks.</p><p>"Listen son, I owe you an apology" John steps forward but not so much as to interfere with the invisible wall John created between himself and his son. Dean watches as he directs his attention to Cas, apologetically "I owe both of you an apology."</p><p>The heated stare on Cas's face remains but Dean, he isn't sure what to think. In his whole life he has never heard his father utter anything resembling an apology, and now he's apologizing twice at one time.</p><p>John scrubs his hand over his face slowly before continuing, his voice still a bit like a drill sergeant, "Dean I know I have been hard on you, your whole life. That I have treated you unfairly when it comes to um-relationships... and for that I am sorry. I crossed a line yesterday with you Ca-as, and I should not have acted the way I did. I can tell you make Dean happy and you clearly love each other." he looks over at Mary “That is what matters in the end.”</p><p>Though Dean should be more focused on the apology his Dad is giving him all he can feel the pang in his chest. He wishes what John said is true, the apology, the happiness, the love, he wishes all of it were true.</p><p>
  <em>But it's not. Not for Cas.</em>
</p><p>Dean grits his teeth focusing on his dad again, silencing the thoughts in his head.</p><p>"Thank you sir" Cas nods, stepping back from Dean as a sign of reconciliation. Looking at Dean in question "I do forgive what you have said to me, but for Dean..."</p><p>"I understand" John casts his eyes to the floor in guilt, then back to Dean, "I know this doesn't fix everything but I am trying."</p><p>"It doesn't fix everything," Dean confirms, and John curls back. There are still issues, damage, and love lost between them, that an apology just can't fix, "But if you are willing to try then that is what matters. We can work with that, Cas though" Dean laces their fingers "he is off limits. I will not deal with anything like what happened yesterday."</p><p>Dean knows it won't be a problem much longer because they are going to go back home and this, their hands interlaced will be lost. But he doesn't want to put Cas through anything more the rest of the week.</p><p>The tension in Dean's shoulders drop, with the feeling of Cas's hand in his own, and the burden of all the things never said to his father off his shoulders. John's own shoulders do too, patting him on the shoulder, with a smile "Thank you for giving me a second chance son. I promise you what happened yesterday will not happen again."</p><p>"I hope it doesn't." Dean says with actual hope in his voice, because maybe one day their relationship could be a healthy one. Or at least resemble one. Change takes time Dean knows that, but he never thought John would try. He's been proven wrong twice today.</p><p>“Come on now it's Christmas. Let's open some presents and eat some cinnamon rolls" he exclaims, throwing up his hands.</p><p>Then tugs Cas along to the living room, after grabbing them both a sugary treat. Followed by the rest of the family with their cinnamon rolls awkwardly shuffling along. Last enters John.</p><p>It feels as if all the tension and seriousness of the reconciliation are lost in the doorway to the living room. As they cross.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of logs crackling can be heard from the fireplace. Flames licking at logs, flickering towards the metal cage in front of it like a wild animal.</p><p>Dean sits criss-cross in front of the fireplace, listening to the crackling. Cas sitting beside him by just inches. The heat praying on their backs. White lights dancing in Cas’s eyes from the lit Christmas tree.</p><p>“Mmh” Dean moans when he bits into the rolls, with his mouth still full he says “thewse awe yummy Cas. You have to make us some back home”</p><p>“Thanks, but we don't have a stove remember, dorm rooms and all” Cas chuckles, taking a bite of his own. His eyes lighting up at the taste.</p><p>“Ugh this is why we need to get an apartment like Benny and Andrea” Dean groans, before he remembers they aren't actually together. Not that he hasn't thought about them getting an apartment together, even if it's just platonically it would give them more space.</p><p>Cas nods silently, “We do”</p><p>After everyone is done with their breakfast. Each person distributes their respective gifts to everyone with small chatter. Apologies passed for not getting anything for Anna from Dean and Cas, to which she apologizes back to Cas for not knowing he was coming either. Till everyone has a small collection of wrapped gifts in front of them, and there is an emptiness below the tree.</p><p>Then everyone is tearing into their gifts.</p><p>Wrapping paper with snowflakes, candy canes, and Christmas trees fly all around the room. The sound of the paper shredding louder than crackling of the fireplace or the low hum of the music still playing in the kitchen.</p><p>Dean smirks at the band tee shirt he unwraps, from the pristinely wrapped present, which most definitely came from mom. The new razors stuck in there with it for sure from his dad.</p><p>For a second he just sits back watching everyone opening presents, the way they chitter happily with each other, all with their significant others. His heart nearly bursts with happiness, it might if he thought he would have another year just like this one.</p><p>Cas is a bit calmer than the rest of them at opening his presents, but the way he smiles at each gift feels far more breathtaking than anyone else. Though Dean may be a tad bias.</p><p>“Getting anything good?” Dean nudges Cas, looking at his assortment of gifts unopened and opened.</p><p>Cas nods joyfully, reaching over his lap to grab something, “Look Dean it’s a bee shaped mug, it’s even got a little wing as the handle” He beams displaying the gift in the palm of his hand.</p><p>“Oh my gosh, wonder who that could be from,” He says loudly looking at Sam, “Just what we need more bee mugs as if three-fourths of our mugs aren’t enough”</p><p>“Sush Dean” Cas bats at Dean playfully, “Don’t think I have seen you drinking from those mugs in the mornings over your plain ones. Thank you, Sam, I love it!”</p><p>Dean just rolls his eyes picking up another gift, “Whatever, thanks Sammy” He mocks.</p><p>“You are welcome Cas and Dean it’s Sam, not Sammy” Sam corrects, throwing him a bitch face, “by the way thanks for the books, didn’t know you knew who Fitzgerald was.”</p><p>“I didn’t I just grabbed the nerdiest books I could find” Dean laughs at Sam’s disdain, though the truth is he did know because Cas tended to be a bit of a nerd too. Though Dean would never admit, he skimmed the books on Cas’s bookshelf more than a few times. Even getting a few of his favorites which he carefully hid beneath the bed. This is also why he had Cas’s favorite book himself, “And thank you for the cuffed jeans, and what are these, ‘send noods’ socks.”</p><p>“No problem, I just picked up the most bi things I could find and threw them in the cart” Sam snarks back. Cas laughs amused by Dean’s shocked expression.</p><p>“Alright alright” Mary says pushing her hands down towards the both of them, “That’s enough you two”</p><p>With that the brothers mutter out a rueful “fine” and the brotherly banter stops, much to the rest of the family’s disappointment.</p><p>“Here” Dean says, pushing a present into Cas’s hands once he runs out. Unlike Mary’s pristine wrapping, this one is much sloppier. Tape sticking around, pieces folded the wrong way, and even the corner of the gift sticking from the wrapping paper, “this is for you.”</p><p>Cas pulls a gift from behind him too, “This for you then”</p><p>Dean takes the bigger gift from Cas, noticing his wrapping skills aren’t much better than his own.</p><p>Quickly Dean tears off the wrapping, curious as to what it could be. Cas’s gifts always seem to be the best. Inside is a felt brown cowboy hat, with a little metal horseshoe on the side of the length of the hat.</p><p>“Awesome!” Dean grins from ear to ear, plopping the hat on his head. With a signature swipe on the brim, he asks in a seductive manner, raising an eyebrow to Cas, “how do I look?”</p><p>“Utterly handsome” Cas laughs giddily, punching Dean on the shoulder. A small blush on his cheeks.</p><p>“Hell yeah I do” Dean says with a pucker of his lips striking a pose like a ‘real cowboy’, “Thank you Cas”</p><p>“You realize, he’s never going to take that thing off right” Sam comments, with a shake of his head at his cowboy obsessed older brother.</p><p>Cas sighs, “I do, but I wouldn’t have it any other way” he winks.</p><p>“Alright there’s time for that later,” Dean says quietly winking back, ignoring the way his face is burning at the implication “Now get on with unwrapping yours”</p><p>Cas carefully unwraps the garishly wrapped gift, tugging each of the flaps of tape out till the gift falls out.</p><p>“Dean” Cas utters, looking at the leather bracelet covered in small burnt on bees, and a little peanut butter and jelly sandwich charm hanging off the end.</p><p>“Do ya like it” Dean asks suddenly feeling as though it isn’t enough, though it was quite expensive. From a little shop in Ogden specializing in just leather burning. For jewelry and an assortment of other things.</p><p>“I love it Dean” Cas say wrapping his arms around Dean, “I love you” he whispers to in Dean’s ear just loud enough for Dean to hear. Not for the act or for Dean’s family, just for him to hear.</p><p>Even though, he knows Cas doesn’t mean it in the same way, Dean whispers back “I love you too angel”</p><p>“Help me put it on” Cas says holding out his wrist, eyes shining with joy and care. Which is only serving to confuse the hell out of Dean wondering if this is still fake or not. His brain telling him otherwise.</p><p>
  <em>It’s still fake Dean.</em>
</p><p>The bracelet snaps around Cas's wrist with a small clink. Falling perfectly on his wrist, not too small or too big, just perfect. Cas jingles it around admiring it warmly, holding the little charm lightly between his fingertips.</p><p>Dean wraps his arms around Cas placing a kiss to the top of his head, soaking in the Christmas day. The couple watches everyone else, tucked away in their own little bubble of bittersweet love and happiness.</p><p>Hours pass without much commotion or excitement. Minus the movement to clean up the wrapping paper and put on a Christmas movie. The occasional filtering in and out of Mary, John and Bobby as they work on the Christmas feast. Checking the ham, and putting a few of the side dishes in the oven to warm.</p><p>Dean and Cas move from the fireplace to watch the movie on the TV screen. They lean against the couch in between Sam and Eileen, and Jo on the other side of them. Even though they move. Dean still reposisitions them back to as they were. his arms wrapped around Cas. and Cas's head on his shoulder. Occasionally nodding off to sleep.</p><p>Who knew Dean was so cuddly? Maybe Dean did know but still with Cas the urge ever increased.</p><p>There is a light conversation that brews among them every so often, occasionally turning loud with all the voices. Dean beams at the way he doesn't have to include Cas in the conversation because Cas knows them and he knows how to hold his own.</p><p>The longer he sits there surrounded by everything, with everything he wants - with Cas - the more overwhelmed he gets. Feeling like fleeing from the room,</p><p>When the opportunity to flee does arise he jumps at the chance to get away from the overwhelming feeling. Mary asks the boys to set the dining table for the ten of them.</p><p>"Go help Mary in the kitchen, or stay here and watch the movie," Dean says after popping up on his feet. Pushing down both of Cas's hands which he is holding, "Me and Sammy can do the table"</p><p>Cas nods in understanding, probably thinking Dean wants some time with his brother; because that is just who he is, thoughtful, "Okay"</p><p>Sam quirks an eyebrow but doesn't say anything about Dean's sudden willingness to do something that involves work. Instead he sign a quick 'be right back' to Eileen, and follows Dean to the dining room.</p><p>The two boys move around the dining table, covering it with a red table cloth, a green center piece on top. Candles on either side of the centerpiece. Placing silverware wrapped in white cloths out in each of the spots. Ensuring there are enough chairs for everyone.</p><p>Overall it only takes about ten minutes to set everything. Once they are done setting the table Dean slumps down in one of the chairs. Sam sits down as well in the chair across from him, "What is wrong Dean? Did you and Cas get into a fight or somethin'"</p><p>"No nothing like that" Dean frowns looking down at his hands clasped over the table, "I-I"</p><p>"What?" Sam waits patiently for Dean to continue. Sam has always been better at sharing his feelings and talking about things of that nature.</p><p>"I think I fucked up, and I mean big time Sammy" Dean's lip wobbles slightly, "With Cas"</p><p>It is a risky, selfish game he's been playing, or more accurately has been playing him One that neither Cas or Dean deserved. Cas didn't deserve to be taken advantage of like that, when he didn't know how Dean feels. At some point they were going to go home where Dean won't be able to hold his hand, or cuddle in his arms, or kiss his plush lips... he nearly choked at that thought.</p><p>Sam crinkled his eyebrows in confusion, and Dean heard him start to tap his foot beneath the table nervously, "what do you mean, surely you couldn't have done anything that bad you're finally together after all these years of pining"</p><p>"That's the thing Sam" Dean fiddles with his fingers looking away, shame building inside of him, "We aren't together"</p><p>
  <em>You fucking idiot. This needs to stop. You can't spend Christmas with the man you love pretending and expect it to not ruin everything. Not when he doesn't feel the same. What were you thinking?</em>
</p><p>The truth is he wasn't thinking, he just wanted it. Sitting there was Cas in the Impala, a snow covered yard away from his childhood house, snow falling outside the window behind him offering Dean everything he's ever wanted and he just acted. But now...</p><p>"What?" Sam sputters, "What do you mean you aren't together, do you alway kiss your best friends"</p><p>Dean grits his teeth in frustration, pressing his palms into the table "Damn it no, and that's the problem. Sam, he offered to pretend to be my boyfriend because he felt bad that I was upset over letting mom down by not bringing a boyfriend. I agreed to it like an idiot would because i just wanted the chance to know what it would be like to be with Cas just once."</p><p>"Dean" Sam breaths out, "Jesus you are an idiot"</p><p>Dean scoffs bitterly "Yeah you think i don't know that."</p><p>"You can still fix thi-"</p><p>"I can't" Dean cuts Sam off, his voice coming out desperate, "I can't because I got to kiss him, and be with him. I thought I was in love before but now... It's something even better, and I'm realizing we are going to go back home soon. I am going to lose all this, and I can't go back to the way things were. I can't pretend my heart isn't shattered into a thousand pieces because I can never kiss his lips again. I don't know what to do."</p><p>Dean drops his head into his hands, the overwhelming feeling coming back. He just wants to love and be loved in return.</p><p>"Hey Dean" Sam grabs his wrists, pulling his face out of his hands. Dean looks at him through unshed tears. Sam's voice comes out stern for a seventeen-year old "It is going to be okay. Maybe it doesn't have to end when you go home Dean. I guarantee Cas feels the same. He looks at you the same way that I look at Eileen with love."</p><p>"It's all an act though"</p><p>"You don't know that Dean. That is the kind of look that you just can't fake. Just talk to him." Sam gives him a pat on the back before leaving the dining room. Letting Dean think.</p><p>Think Dean does. Staring blankly at the wall in front of him, his brain convincing him there is no way Cas could ever feel that way. Not for Dean at least. Dean realizes what he has to do.</p><p>Unconsciously he wobbles to the room he's been sharing with Cas. Once he is inside, he sinks onto the bed. His face pressed into the pillows, inhaling Cas's scent. Old pennies, and rain. He just feels his heart breaking in his chest as it has many times before. Except this time, it's worse because this feels like the start of a breakup but they were just pretending.</p><p>
  <em>Cas is the only one pretending</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Cas helps Mary grab out a dish from the oven, antsy from waiting for Dean to return. Setting up a dinner table shouldn’t have taken this long for them to complete... He places the dish on two potholders on the counter, “here you go, I’m gonna go find Dean” he calls out to Mary.</p><p>“Dean” he asks into the empty dinning room, before noticing no one is there.</p><p>He makes his way back to the living room. Not finding him there either but Sam is. So he waits a while longer sitting on the arm of the couch. But Dean doesn’t come so he mustn’t be in the bathroom either.</p><p>Cas makes his way up the stairs to Dean’s old room. Feeling a bit like a lovesick puppy, because they have only been apart for no more than thirty minutes after spending nearly every second since two days ago together, and he already is looking for him. Dean is probably hiding from him just to get a moment to himself and away from the ‘challenge’ of pretending like he loves Cas.</p><p>“Dean” Cas asks, noticing him face down in the bed his arms clutched around Cas’s pillow, “Did you fall asleep? Are you tired?”</p><p>Dean sits up slowly, a frown on his face “I was just about to come find you. I wanted to talk, but I just” he gestures the bed, “you know bed”</p><p>“Were you coming to tell me you’re tired of spending twenty-four-seven with me already” Cas jokes though there is a little truthful nervousness in it too.</p><p>"What Cas of course not" Dean snorts, standing up, "why are you tired of me?"</p><p>Cas smiles at the floor, shaking his head slowly "I could never be tired of you Dean Winchester"</p><p>"Jesus you are such a sap, Castiel Novak" Dean grins back, mocking his use of Dean's full name.</p><p>"Seriously though I want to talk to you about something" Dean says dropping his happy demeanor, "I wanted to apologize for dragging you into this whole mess with my family, and my dad. The way he's treated you, and everything you've had to deal with being my 'boyfriend'. I didn't intend this."</p><p>Cas frowns stepping forwards, and taking both of Dean's hands. Maybe it's a stupid move but a part of him knows what's coming, "Dean 'boyfriend' or just bestfriend I was glad to be there for you. Besides you didn't drag me into this, I offered. Plus.."</p><p>Cas takes a deep breath trying to collect his thoughts. Gather every last ounce of courage in him, bracing himself for the worst.</p><p>
  <em>I love you and want this to be real.</em>
</p><p>"I want to stop pretending. This was stupid. You don't have to be my fake boyfriend anymore." Dean says roughly, turning to the side once Cas drops his hands.</p><p>Cas reels backwards, his words caught in his throat in a large tangled up lump. He lifts his chin up avoiding the way his heart has dropped to his feet, "Right" he croaks.</p><p>
  <em>Told you. Told you this was going to end in pain.</em>
</p><p>"I don't want this to be weird, buddy" Dean sniffs, his hands placid over the dresser top that he is staring at. Though his shoulders are hunched he remains composed, as if this isn't the worst break up he's had.</p><p>Cas shakes his head, beating away the pain, if Dean can be composed then so can Cas, "No you're probably right. Friends don't just kiss like we have, like it's real, so we should probably stop now. Anyway we are going to go back home, and this would all have been fake..." Cas rambles his arms wrapped around his body as he backs to the door, and in a whisper confesses "at least for you"</p><p>"What?" Dean asks turning towards Cas but he just looks away the same as Dean did. He knows it's stupid to have actually said it aloud to Dean, but maybe it's time he sets himself free.</p><p>"Nothing" Cas squeezes his arms tighter around him, counting his breaths. Edging himself away from a panic attack.</p><p>"No, what did you say?" Dean says firmer, a rasp to his voice. Approaching Cas across the small room.</p><p>When the dusty brown floorboards creak giving way to his feet, Cas looks at Dean. Just now noticing the redness on the rim beneath his eyes, which he swears wasn’t there before. Could it be…</p><p>“Are you – sure you want to… stop this” Cas gestures between the two of them his head to tipped to the side in confusion. He swallows hard at the desperation in his voice.</p><p>But for once the voice in his head isn’t upset about what he is doing with Dean, it’s pleased to finally be getting somewhere. It’s voiceless but content, almost ready to drift away to nothingness because at least this will be the end of it either way.</p><p>Dean nods, and then a second later shakes his head no, “I don’t want this to end Cas. I don’t want to tell my family we aren’t together, or Anna even. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to go home and not have this. I don’t want to no longer do this –“ His voice is coming out in a quick succession, most of the words getting tangled. Puffs of hot breath coming after each sentence, hotter the closer he gets to Cas.</p><p>The next thing Cas knows Dean is grabbing his face between his large, calloused hands, smashing their lips together. His heart is pounding erratically at the heat of his lips and the ferocity of the kiss. A kiss that is just their own, not an act.</p><p>Just as it begun, Dean is pulling away his eyes wide and apologetic. Like he didn’t mean to act, “Sorry I-“</p><p>But Cas bursts forwards, taking Dean’s soft slightly stubbled face into his own hands. Pushing a kiss into his lips just as intense as the one a second ago. They fall back onto the bed, lips never breaking. A hot frenzy of kisses exchanged a few down Dean’s jaw. Hands roaming over his chest, and Dean’s gripping Cas’s hips.</p><p>At long last, they break apart. Dean chasing the kiss hopelessly. Cas hovers over Dean straddling his hips, trying to catch his breath. Dean looks absolutely debauched, his lips plump and wet from the kisses, pupils blown with lust.</p><p>“I don’t want to no longer to this either” he growls, voice absolutely wrecked, “Do you think I didn’t mean what I said downstairs. I love you Dean.”</p><p>“Son of a bitch Cas do you really mean that? No pretending.” Dean asks needily digging his fingers into Cas’s hips.</p><p>Cas leans down sultrily whispering into Dean’s ear “Don’t ask stupid questions. There’s no one here to pretend for.” Just before he pulls away to kiss him some more, he pulls his ear between his teeth giving it a nip.</p><p>“Fuck” Dean moans, kissing Cas’s neck “Love you too Cas”</p><p>Cas groans as Dean kisses down his neck, sucking a small mark onto the base of his neck. He recaptures his lips with his own pushing him back down. He grabs at the hem of Dean’s shirt, tugging at it.</p><p>“Wait” Dean huffs, pushing back Cas’s hands. Cas stops concern growing in his eyes wondering if he is moving too fast “Not here. Not like this”</p><p>“Right” Cas grumbles in realization looking around the room, in Dean’s parent's house, with his family all right downstairs.</p><p>“As soon as we get back though, you can bet your sweet ass I’m ravishing you until, neither of us can walk straight for at least a week.” Dean declares, pressing a last steamy kiss to Cas’s lips in promise.</p><p>“With the hat on” Cas wiggles his eyebrows, looking over at where the cowboy hat sits on the desk.</p><p>Dean smirks, “with the hat on”</p><p>Cas pulls away rolling to the side of Dean “You better make good on that promise”</p><p>Dean just nods as the two of them calm themselves. Cas holds out his hand for Dean to take, calmer now “So does that make us real boyfriends”</p><p>“As long as we still are when we get back home” Dean takes his hand.</p><p>“Of course” Cas says giving him a small kiss.</p><p>Soon they fall into sharing lazy kisses. Slow, and unexpecting. Making up for the years lost to pining, with small love filled kisses. Soft touches and loving caresses. Cas makes it a mission to committing every touch, and every kiss to memory.</p><p>--</p><p>A small knock comes to the bedroom door, Dean frowns into the kiss with Cas. Not wanting the moment to end. His heart still exploding with joy.</p><p>“Cas, Dean” Sammy’s annoy voice asks. (Okay maybe it’s not annoying but right now it is.) The couple breaks apart sitting up on the bed as the door swings open.</p><p>Sam lowers his hand slowly from where it was resting over his eyes. Carefully peaking one eye open, most likely ensuring he won’t need brain bleach after this.</p><p>Dean smiles placing an arm around Cas, “Heya Sam”</p><p>“I see you talked. Do you have any smart, knowledge brother to thank..” Sam smirks triumphantly, a raise of an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah whatever” Dean chucks a pillow at his little brother, kissing Cas’s cheek.</p><p>Sam rolls his eyes, throwing the pillow back. Landing at the head of the bed almost where it had been before, “Come on you two, you left just before Christmas dinner and you know how Bobby gets when he has to wait for food.”</p><p>Dean widens his eyes popping up from the bed, as Sam leaves. He walks to the door, smelling the ham and turkey awaiting them downstairs. Along with the rest of their family.</p><p>Turning back around he sees Cas still sitting on the bed. Dean holds out his hand, “Come on angel”</p><p>Cas stands with a wide smile, and takes Dean’s hand.</p><p>
  <em>This did not end in pain. Nor a bittersweet memory.</em>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Epilogue</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>8 years later</em>
</p><hr/><p>“Come on Dean” Cas says, turning to the freckled face man behind him, a palm held out. Dean takes his dashing husband’s hand, a clink as their silver rings hit against each other.</p><p>The couple leaves the kitchen, strolling through their small three-bedroom house, to the door. Every space covered in a decoration of some kind, be it a snow globe, or some tinsel. A few handmade one’s hung on the wall beside their real family pictures. A knock sounds from the door as they approach it.</p><p>“Ready,” Dean asks Cas, a hand on the doorknob.</p><p>Cas looks at Dean, noticing the fine lines that have begun to form in crinkles around his eyes, “With you always”</p><p>After the two finally got together it was surprising how little changed between them. The only real change was the intimacy, which they had already been practicing in front of Dean’s family and calling their outings dates.</p><p>In the end they never told anyone save for Sam the truth about that Christmas. About the pretending or that they hadn’t been together before Christmas, because they kinda had been together anyways.</p><p>They both look to the door bracing themselves. Then the door is swinging open. Cold winter air rushing in with small flurries of snow. On the porch stands, Mary and John, wrapped boxes in hand and smiles on their faces. Swamped in their large winter coats, and Mary’s large scarf.</p><p>“Merry Christmas” Cas and Dean chime at the same time, beckoning the other couple inside “Come on in”</p><p>Quickly they shuffle into the house not letting the cold air in a moment longer.</p><p>“Dean, Cas” Mary exclaims pulling the both of them to her, and into a large heartwarming hug, “Merry Christmas”</p><p>She steps back, pulling off her shoes, and shedding her coat onto the coatrack beside the door.</p><p>“Dad” Dean says, before wrapping an arm around his father. John pats his son’s back, before releasing him from the quick hug.</p><p>“Hello Dean,” John shrugs off his coat, switching the presents from hand to hand to take it off. While somehow simultaneously removing his work boots. He gives Cas a quick handshake, “and Castiel. How have you two been?”</p><p>“Good, really good.” Cas says taking John’s coat to hang on the rack. Things with John really improved over the years after their first Christmas. The way he treats Dean and his views on their relationship. Though there are still issues that occur every so often and fights that are inevitable. They always end up reconciling. Things are different, John is different, it didn’t happen overnight but it did happen.</p><p>“Well come on in” Dean beckons his parents the couple stepping away from the door, “Everyone is already in the living room”</p><p>The four of them snake around the halls to the living room. Far beyond excited the two finally have a bigger house that is all their own.</p><p>“Das’s” Chirps their curly black-haired toddler, waddling over to Dean and Cas as they enter the living room. Her thick ringlets bouncing with excitement, and sugar which for sure is from Gabe wherever he ran off to. She abandons her spot in front of Sam.</p><p>“Mel” Dean smiles holding out his arms and scooping up their child, “There’s our girl”</p><p>Cas watches as Dean spins Melissa his heart swelling as it does every time he sees the two people he loves the most happy. Dean plops her onto his hip, and she looks up at her other dad, through thick eyelashes, her green eyes sparkling.</p><p>It was quite magical the day they adopted her, two years ago. How alike the both of them, she looked. Black hair, green eyes, and even a few freckles coating her face. The perfect mix of them. As soon as they saw her, they knew she would be a perfect addition to their growing family. She certainly has been.</p><p>“Hey baby” Cas kisses the almost three-year-old’s forehead, “Look whose here. It’s grandma and grandpa”</p><p>Mary holds out her hands grubbily taking the child from Dean. Both Mary and John coo over her, as she giggles with excitement. Joyous about all the spoiling she has gotten today, from the Singers, Gabe, and Sam and Eileen.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, mom, dad” Sam says while signing at the same time, making it easier for his fiancé to understand. Eileen nods wishing them a Merry Christmas as well.</p><p>After greeting them, John makes his way to Bobby taking a beer from him. While Mary reluctantly places Melissa down to talk with Ellen.</p><p>“She’s just adorable isn’t she” Mary says.</p><p>Melissa goes back to her toys bouncing around as Sam and Eileen watch her. Dean and Cas join her sitting down cuddled into each other backs to their fireplace. There is something so familiar about it. Just like their first Christmas together, minus Jo who is meeting her new girlfriend’s parents for the first time, but promised to see them at New Years.</p><p>Dean looks around at everyone at everyone, each with a smile on their face. Then around at the house, he and Cas built together. A house that is growing, with a new nursery drying upstairs. Everything the two have always hoped for, and never thought they would have.</p><p>Finally he looks at his husband who seems to be having the same thoughts, looking at the room. Smiling at the dusty cowboy hat, and leather bee bracelet sitting on a shelf across from them.</p><p>“I love you Dean”</p><p>“I love you too Angel”</p><p>
  <em>No. This didn’t end in pain. It didn’t end with a bittersweet memory either.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Merry slightly late Christmas! Thanks for reading the whole story, did you enjoy it? Took me a bit longer than anticipated but I’m pretty proud of it. </p><p>Stay strong and keep fighting. - Maka</p></blockquote></div></div>
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